Thanks to a funny series of recent events, I am posting this light-hearted yet entertaining post about myself.
On Friday afternoon, I noticed that my craft blogging colleague over at ExtremeCraft.com, Garth Johnson, had posted an update on the work of textile artist, Ai Kijima, whose work I wrote about a few months ago.
In his post, Garth gave me props for my review of Ai’s work, so naturally, I followed up with an email thanking him. However, in the process of sending this email, knowing that Garth has a diverse and eclectic background in the music business (which makes his iPod naturally diverse), I attached the following meme to my message, which I had picked up over at Screaming and Punching (a celebrity gossip blog).
Here’s the instructions:
Take a list of scenes within a pre-determined storyline outlined from opening credits to end credits and assign a song to each section of the narrative using the shuffle feature on your iPod or via iTunes on your computer. Once the narrative is described for you by your own music, you get to make up a title and assign a cast.
I forwarded this meme to Garth as an intentional challenge to his creative writing ability knowing that out of the process, something interesting, twisted and pithy would emerge. So to make a long story short, he delivered (quite hilariously, I might add) and I am now obliged to reciprocate.
So, here’s my version:
Treatment
Set in the near dystopic future, as predicted, the world has run out of gasoline and Lamar is the mayor of a small agrarian craft community in Western North Carolina. The evil villain, Nepheline Syenite, a former petroleum profiteer from Texas, seeks to take over the landfill methane source that the community uses to run their ceramics and glass studios. Lamar is the only one who can save the community and ultimately preserve the laid-back, creative, bohemian lifestyle in the lush countryside that they all have come to love.
The fate of the community now hangs in the balance and if Lamar fails, they will all be forced to return to the sprawling suburbia from which they migrated and take graphic design jobs in architect offices, working in small cubicles in large windowless rooms with bad fluorescent lighting, surrounded by fake plants, while being forced to drink weak coffee from styrofoam cups. Ewwww…
The Cast
Robert Downey, Jr. as Lamar
Natalie Portman as his lovely wife, Robin
Demi Moore as his Mom
Danny DeVito as his Limoncello sipping sidekick
Marilyn Manson as the Antagonist
Patrick Stewart as the Wise Old Man
Opening Credits
Body Movin’ by Beastie Boys, Biz Markie, Redman and Erik Sermon
Oh yeah, I am going to like this movie already. A sweet tune to get the party started, just cheesy enough to start things off on an upswing.
Waking Up
Hombre by MIA
Nice. I would like to wake up to this tune. In any case, here you can easily envision our protagonist rubbing his eyes and yawning as the beat thumps “Oi Ga-Ra-To Pi-qa mine nu-mu-ro…”
First Day at School
SupaHero by Aceyalone
This is my kind of movie. Here I can see our “hero” strutting to class lipsyncing the lyrics “Yeah, you know, I could do it but right now my cape is in the cleaners, but as soon as I get it out… I’m a gonna get at you.” The best part of this song is where he says “I am perfectly flawed.” I like it, that’s our boy.
Falling in Love
Orozco by Tosca
This is a pretty chill song. It reminds me of falling in love, life is great, everything is beautiful. By this point, my little narrative is unfolding through my iPod like the Tao te Ching, it’s like everything was meant to be this way. Life is good.
Fight Song
There’s a Riot Going On by The Roots
No freaking way! I blinked a bit, but it really happened. Although in reality, the tune starts out with snoring and ends about six seconds later. There is no riot. It is supposed to be ironic, I guess. In any case, what is a storyline without a good argument or at least a misunderstanding? I guess our narrative starts to go south at this point.
Breaking Up
To All of You by RJD2
Opens with cymbals and rolls into a slow seventies groove, sad enough, I guess. Breaking up is hard… this song reinforces it.
Prom
J’ai Dormi Sous l’ Eau by Air
I would say that this is a pretty laid back tune. Our narrative here goes something like this: they miss the prom in lieu of a nice turkey dinner and an after party with a handful of Xanax. So much for fighting the villian tonight, it ain’t gonna happen.
Life
Addiction by Kanye West
Ouch… It looks as if all of that Xanax got the best of our Hero.
Mental Breakdown
Polkamatic by Vitalic
Polka music will push anyone over the edge. Although, this song is not as bad as the title makes it sound, there is hope for our hero. He’s just on edge for a bit as the music tells the story.
Driving
I’m with Pilots by Ladytron
This tune is a little eratic for driving but our hero is on his way back up. It is a long road to recovery but there is hope. Perhaps here he should drive himself over to a rehab clinic.
Wedding
Orisun Lye (The Creator) by King Sunny Ade
I am not sure what this song is about as the artist is Nigerian. It sounds happy and upbeat enough. Good wedding, nice looking couple… We all hope that they last.
Birth of a Child
A Wolf at the Door (it Girl, Rag Doll) by Radiohead
I am not sure how this works considering the lyrics go something like… “help me call the doctor put me inside, put me inside, put me inside, put me inside, put me inside…” Maybe my iPod is being ironic?
Final Battle
Honest by Nuspirit Helsinki
Now we are ready to throw down, protagonist vs. antagonist, mano y mano, gloves off and my iPod comes out with a tune that is about as laid back as our fight song. There are no french horns in Bruce Willis movies… but noooooo, my iPod has a sense of humor. I guess our hero is back on the stuff again… just recall his life theme, this sums up our story line.
Death Scene
Voyager by Daft Punk
Now we are getting into it. A least he goes out in glory… with a funky bass line and flames. In death, things are looking up for our hero. The bad news is it’s back to the suburbs for the rest of our craft community; Marilyn Manson is pulling the plug on Utopia.
Funeral Song
“M.I.A.” [Diplo’s Mix]
Another MIA tune, this one from Piracy Funds Terrorism. Our protagonist goes out with a proper send off. He wasn’t much of fighter but he sure knew how to party.
End Credits
Litli Tónlistarmaðurinn by Björk
I couldn’t think of a more appropriate ending to such a quirky movie. Björk’s Gling-Glo album is about as strange as it gets… there’s something about her singing jazz in Icelandic that just wraps this all up so well.
It seems our hero failed us, but we are OK about it. In the end, we were entertained and intrigued. You have to admit though the guy had charisma.
I guess Robert Downey, Jr. was a great casting choice after all.